Drunk...

Got myself drunk yesterday... no idea since when I allowed my old self to surface back to haunt me... maybe right from the first sip of the wine... no idea what had happened, only know that the heart was extremely painful and I was crying out loud for help... I remember calling dar dar but I guess he was too busy with his mahjong to bother about my pain... called ah bee I can't remember what I was talking about to her... but thanks to her I manage to pass throught the tide of pain. I guess I'm weak... I know very well its not the matter of the breakup anymore.. rather its a matter of some of the facts that I could not accept... I felt defeated... I felt foolish... and all these makes me hate myself and get angry with myself...

In love with the fish...

1. EXT. Pond - Day
Girl was at the side of a pond, hand holding a fish bowl. O/S-She look into the fish bowl and then out to the pond. CU of her hand releasing the fish into the pond. Fish swim out of the fish bowl and drop into the water. CU of her face, looking sad and forced a smile.

2. INT. Aquarium shop - Day
CU of fish tank filled with fishes. "Little Girl" enter into frame looking at the fishes. LS, track of her looking excited as she moves from one roll of fish tank to another. She stop at one of the tank and look inside. CU of tank with only a goldfish inside.

Little Girl
Hello, goldfish! What a beauty like you alone in this fish tank?

Fish
Hello!

"Little Girl" looks around as she hear the sound. LS of the shop, there was noone in the shop. she turn back to look at the fish tank, but the goldfish was not there. Just at this moment, she felt someone poking at her back. She turn around and saw a "little boy".

Little Boy
Hello. I was talking to you just now.

Little Girl
You? But... but... there was no one just now. Where did you come from?

Little boy pointed towards the direction of the fish tank and little girl looks back.

3. INT. Aquarium shop - Music Montage Sequence
Little girl visit the shop in various clothing (school uniform, home clothes, etc) every time you can see her taking to the fish tank.

4. INT. Aquarium shop - Day
Today the little girl went to the aquarium shop.

Little girl
Do you want to accompany me to see the world with me?

Little boy
Can I really see the world? But I'm afraid, how can I get out from here?

Little girl
Don't be afraid! You can live in the fishbowl and I can bring you around to see the world! However, I'm abit worry. I never have a pet in my life, I'm not sure I can take care of you or not.

Little boy
Not to worry, I don't need much care. Just change my water every 2 days and feed me everyday.

Little girl
That sound easy. Anyway, you just give a though. I got to go, time for dinner. Bye bye.

5. INT. Aquarium shop - Day
LS of the little girl walks into the

Ls of little girl taking money from her pocket and hand it to the shop keeper. The shopkeep passed her the bag of goldfish and she walks out of the shop happily.

Some time...

... things around me will just get me moody... songs especially will just make me think back things that I have put behind... saw this lyric posted in one of my friend's blog and I know well enough those words expressed my deepest feelings hidden away.... grieving over what is lost or just been setimental? No longer it matters to me.... isnt it as I quietly asked myself?

Qi asked me: "how long will i take to be ready again?"
me: I'm not sure. Maybe never again. I rather be a fallen angel than to get back to heaven.

Qi: But life has to go on!

Me: Yup, that does not mean I'm not moving on. Just part of me is left there stationary. I believe that everyone is make up of many different parts of ourself. Its good that all part of us is moving ahead, but not everyone is fortunate I guess. Anyway, it does not matter also, one still eats, sleeps, work, laugh, talk, etc.

Life still moves on, as world does not stop, a friend once told me. Yes, life still goes on but the heart no longer function to give out feeling or feel things around you coz the heart is no longer there to begin with. Shattered into billion pieces, it has long gone with the wind.... cry as I may... but no longer the heart hurts as tears roll down like rain fall...

Like the song sang... Paintings in my mind by Tommy Page

Picture this, you and me

Walking down a white sand beach

We're holding hands, the warm wind blow

We're all alone

All these dreams are fantasies

They're not real, not reality

And now i cry over you, nearly die over you

And all the bits and pieces of us that i try to find

Chorus:

Are only paintings in my mind

Faded memories of another place and time

We were happy as can be

You were loving me

And now it's just an image that i find

Like the paintings in my mind

When you left, i fell apart

I was torn, you broke my heart

And now i cry over you, nearly die over you

And all the bits and pieces of us that i try to find

Impressions of the way it was

Long ago, somewhere back in time

From time to time, I want to cry out loud that why you has to be so cruel to pick out that knife from the heart and plant it back deep in... what have I done wrong to deserve all these... I was there whole heartly loving you... and you have to be so cruel to torn it apart like trash not once but several time....

sawadee ka!!

God loves me!!! Ke ke I finally get my wish to have a break. My boss and colleagues went up to bangkok during the weekend to look at studios for our pilot drama. Can you believe it?! We might be going to bangkok to shoot because its cheaper over there- 1 day of studio rental is about $1k compared to the medicock which will cost us about $3k a day and much smaller.

Its my first trip to bangkok after so many years and I was pretty excited when my boss told us that we are going for a recee trip. ke ke Almost can't contain my excitment as I have heard alot of friends telling me about bangkok, but I din't have the time and people to go with....

Day 1
We flew down to bangkok on friday afternoon, took about 2 hr to reach bangkok. When I reached, I saw a golf course right in the middle of the runway. Ke ke I wonder will the golf ball flew out and hit one of plane. As always, I started to appreciate why changi airport is consider world class airport coz the rest of the airport is damn lousy!!!! Bangkok airport is rundown... plus language barrier...we were been asked to move from one land and back again.. not only that its all in thai!! how would a tourist know where to quene?? We stayed in this serviced apartment called Oakwood City Residence Bangkok @ 291 Soi Naradhiwas Rajanagarindra 24, New Sathorn Road, Chongnonsee.

Nice!! like some condo.

We met the production manager over at bangkok which she will help us arrange location, studio and crew. After that, we went to this thai fine dining place and have dinner. Nice nice nice and is cheap only about $100 for 6 pax. Where can we find such a fine food in singapore in such a cheap price!! Cannot!! ke ke

Day 2
We spend the whole day practically only going to 5 places.... we started at 0830 to the first studio at lad prao and it took us another 45min to an hour to get to another studio also around the area... so the cycle is go down 5-10min and get back up the bus and sleep.. and it went on to the last studio. The last stop is at chinatown. It's filled with narrow row and row of shops selling food, groceries-similar to hongkong which my friend told me. As you walked pass, you are greeted with mixture of smells in the air- smell of salted vegetables, smell of dried food, sell of drainage, etc.

The production manager, mao brought us to this noodle store that sell only one type of cooking style, similar to our local hor fan either with bee hoon or hor fan with the sauce some sliced pork and huge chunk of vegetable, and its sweet! We have to fill our stomach with coke in fear of food posioning. Indeed its very scary to see how they handle the food- I walked pass some back alley and see how they place the food and flies are every where and the place is also dirty looking. Gross!!! *faint*

one of my colleague, Gk fell sick also... no idea as what she has eaten, we also ate. I guess she is not use to the water and the air in bangkok. She miss out the good food! ke ke

Day 3
It was our last day of recee and she brought us to the wet market and the muai thai ring. I dont really like wet market cause I'm always afraid of the dirty water and the smell of fish and meat, always gross me out. Over there, the food are place out in neat rows- squid in a row, clams in row, ke ke but still eeeekkkk wet wet market and the mixture of the heavy traffic and sewage mix with the fish smell. *FLIP* I loved the muai thai ring as its my first time seeing in real life. it will be even great if i get to see a match next time.

me & gayle outside the muai thai ring

Finally...
Come the time of every girls favourite past-time... SHOPPING!!!!! Me, galye, gk started our first location at 5plus at marbukon (i think its spell like that) Huge shopping mall filled with clothes, bags, etc and we shop till it closed at 10pm. I brough the following stuff:

A victoria beckham look alike jeans- $25

a red moneky look alike jeans for bro- $50

Check out the detailed emboidery for a look alike piece

Cute Bear bear!!!

My day of shopping alos got spoilt by the stupid taxi and the tutu, coz nobody wanted to run their meter after 10pm. The purposely wanted to earn money as the mall closes and large flock of people leave the place. All asking at least 150baht, the tutu are the worst wanted 300baht. I was so pissed and I told one of the tutu driver, "fine, we will take the sky train back!" After a long wait and asking, finally one kind soul who is willing to use the meter. The reason why I refuse to pay as the cost to the hotel is around 70baht at most 80 baht only.

2 girls with the meaning of love

Recently, I went drinking with 2 girls and from them I try to understand back the meaning of love - one with a boyfriend and never lack of guys around her, one never have one boyfriend till date. Love... somthing I thought I understand all these years... but frankly speaking I have no idea what does it mean at all for the past 3 years.... I only know at the present moment I'm tired... tired of everything...

I asked the one with a boyfriend, if your boyfriend asked you to marry him will you say yes? She said: Yes, she will coz she is tired. Tired? She said she is tired of starting all over again, tired of going through the dating game, plus he has all the factors- stable income, stable job, etc.

I asked the one without a boyfriend and she said she is tired.... tired? Although friends are around, but they can never fill the emotional emptiness- to have someone to dope on you, someone that you like to do the things together, etc.

So what is the meaning of love? "tired, thats why look for love?"; "Tired, thats why stay for love?" I'm still searching for the answer... none of my friends around me told the reason for love that I was looking for, that I believe in.... so that kind of love I'm looking for does not exist? I have no idea....

每個人在對方離開時 總是才知道會那種感覺多難過
而每個人在離開別人時 也從來不會知道對方多難過
每個人總是容易痛恨對方的無情
每個人總是容易忘了自己的無情

Monash Graduation

September 09, 3pm @ Ritz Carlton marks the end of my long struggle education journey! I am officially graduate!!! Long gone the days of rushing from work to school. Long gone the days of eating breads for dinner. Long gone the days when I have to stay up late at night to do my assignments. And, I would like to thank my uncle for supporting me last year to finish up my study, if it wasnt him I guess I would not have graduate today.

My uncle who has been so supportive of my study.

Me and my family.

I guess my mum is the most attractive and beautiful mum among all the parents which have attended the ceremony. ke ke. She is way too "over dress". I personally asked men to come over in the morning to help us do our makeup.

Hope my graduation photos turn out beautiful, as my mum wants to develop a BIG picture to hang in the living room! duh! I guess she is very happy for my achievement. I desire it, after working so hard for it till I'm BROKE now, still have $35K more to repay back, when will it end.... ke ke

I'm ALIVE

1st september marks the day of my life!!! I finally got my life back after 2 months of non-stop production of the new drama "Parental Guidance" which only to be broadcast on april 2007.

Below are the picture of the wrap party on 25th August:









The first thing I did after getting my life back is to go for my long due massage!! Its my first time going to a massage palour and its kind of embrassing having to be naked infront of another person. *blush* Nevertheless, its a relaxing experience, apart that the person is too light, and alot of time I find myself trying to control not to laught out cause its very ticklish. ke ke After that , I head down to dar dar place to have a bottle of red wine. :o) Nice nice nice!!!~!~ the only sad part is non of my friends are available except gayle... which we have been seeing each other for 2months!!!

The next day, I went with unice to comex and got myself a 1gb cf card ($28) and 1gb flashthumb ($40) which is damn cheap cheap cheap!!! ke ke Now my digital camera can take 400++ picture! I don't think I will ever finish using up the memory!!!!

Now, everything is over, a new project is waiting inline and it will last till november which will go for my operation. I yet to know how and what am I suppose to do... dr tan say he will take my teeth mould this month and arrange to see the surgen and book for the operation date. And dec is holiday!!!! Planning to go cains!!! Yippy, finally convicined the girls that it will be too bittle cold to go korea during december. We will head down to some where warm, cains!!! Need to plan and do reseach and have to check with my surgen if I can go for my holiday after the operation. Nevertheless, I want to get out of here for christmas and new yr, I simply do not want to stay in sg. Not this year, nor every years..... I never like christmas in sg... its always bittle and cold...